Forgiveness can often feel like a heavy burden, especially when it’s laden with pressure—whether it comes from ourselves or others. Many of us grapple with the idea of forgiving someone, particularly in complex relationships, such as those with narcissistic parents. This is especially true for those of us who have been cast in the scapegoat role, where we’re frequently expected to take responsibility for things that aren’t ours to own.
In these scenarios, the concept of forgiveness can feel daunting. It can seem like yet another way to take on more responsibility for someone else's actions, which is incredibly frustrating. When you're stuck in a dynamic characterized by power imbalances and repeated emotional harm, the idea of forgiving can feel not just unappealing, but almost repulsive. It's as if forgiving someone might mean conceding to the ongoing manipulation and abuse, which is a weight too heavy to bear.
However, there is another side to forgiveness—one that focuses on our own healing. This is about finding a way to reduce our negative feelings and reclaim our well-being. Forgiveness in this context isn’t about absolving someone of their actions or taking on their guilt. Rather, it’s a personal choice to free ourselves from the emotional chains that bind us to past pain.
It’s essential to remember that we can always strive to behave better, but when we’ve been subjected to years of abuse, it’s unreasonable to expect ourselves to simply forgive and move on. What matters is acknowledging our feelings and understanding that forgiveness can also be a tool for our own growth and healing.
As we explore this duality of forgiveness—one that doesn’t compromise our self-worth or negate our experiences—we can begin to see it not as a burden, but as a step towards freedom. Ultimately, forgiveness can be a powerful act of self-care, enabling us to let go of the past and move forward on our own terms.
Much love,
Chess
xxx
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