When we are Scapegoats in a toxic family system, we have one role. That role is to be the person who takes the blame for anything that doesn't go according to the family plan. We are assigned this role so that the other people in the family don't have to take accountability for their actions, they don't have to be emotionally proactive, and they can shirk responsibility around their obligations, such as parental duties.
What is not included in the Scapegoat role is autonomy, confidence, having our own desires, needs, and opinions. We are required to play along, and we will be fit into the role, no matter what we do. Unfortunately, for a lot of us born into this dynamic, we do not have the information to know that we are inside this fantasy, narcissistic playbook. So we assume this is real, and normal, and that we are indeed the problem.
However, as we get older, and hopefully get more distance and independence from the family unit, we can start to see the cracks in their story. Perhaps we are successful at work, we have a solid friend group, or we meet a loving, respectful partner. The thing is that eventually we will figure out that the part we have been playing, our role in the narcissistic fantasy, is not ours. It is a figment of their imagination. And we don't have to continue to play it.
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